After my first post, I made an incredibly selfish and cowardly decision to take hiatus from this blog, as well as my passion and my drive, to give myself a big dose of what I thought was “self-care” and healing. I made the ill-advised executive decision, in conjunction to succumb to the patriarchal pressure and corporate greed that had hounded me for months. Long story short? It landed me in a phase of exhaustion, harassment, and ultimately, an attempt on my own life.
It’s not brave to say that. I’m not seeking attention or pity to admit that. Please do not send me kind words for I do not need seek them. I’m simply trying to tell you all a cautionary tale that you must always stay true to your gut. We as women possess a magical talent- that is our gut feeling. It is so intuitive that it could almost be labelled a psychic super power. We as a gender need to darn right quit quashing that icky, gut wrenching feeling we get when we know something isn’t right. It isn’t that we’ve eaten to much cheese, it’s our enchanted ovaries telling us that we are entering the ‘danger zone’. That something is not right, and that this will drain our well-being spring until it is a dry and cracked. Then we have nothing left to give to the world.
That is where I was almost this time last year. I sacrificed everything and had given my all to being the best employee, friend, colleague, partner, family member that felt I could be. I fell out with so many people for speaking (what I thought was) my truth. Then I had a seemingly huge opportunity land at my feet to truly be me and take creative direction in a female empowered work environment. It pushed me to win some of the best accolades of my career to date. It also landed me in a dog eat dog, sabotage driven environment that tore apart my good nature and was wrapped up by my attempt on my own life. It went against everything I knew ‘girl code’ to be about. But I also truly heard in my brain that this was what was best for my life and family. I got intoxicated with the promise of what could be, as opposed to what truly was.
So, what Happened from there, pray tell? Just like a after scarring earthquake, I tried to rebuild. I literally buried my trauma and damage (just like a good girl would) and tried to build the foundation of a new life on that. But just like building on a fault line, the sales pitch of a new perfect life was short lived. 3 months and 3 days to be precise. My scars re-emerged, opened back up and all my new goals, hopes and dreams disappeared through into the scars that weren’t truly healed.
I not only ignored my enchanted ovaries, I also ignored my heart and continued to convince myself that the pay check at the end of each month was more than enough compensation for the physical and mental pain I was enduring. I felt like I was being tested. I felt like speaking up was a sign of failure.
It didn’t disappear in an instant- I saw it coming. I found that the negative reaction to my new role ruined me one by one. One friendship letting me down. One bar tending comradery connection after another not wanting a bar of me, or what I was selling. Every negative reaction after the next slowly tearing me apart, piece by piece.
FUCK! I was crowned Glendfiddich’s most experimental female bartender in Australia 2016! In 2016 I won SA’s best craft beer bar. The only cocktail competition where I haven’t been a finalist (where I entered) was Bacardi Legacy 2016. Which was fair enough. I was not in a mind frame to be creative enough to win.
Well: to the die-hard bullies and chauvinistic arse-wipes of not only our industry, but our state, this blog is officially a supersized, cargo-container filled FUCK YOU to all of your preconceived notions of women not only in general, but also in our industry. We rule the fucking world. Wake up, smell our single origin coffee, accept that everything we create is nectar of the gods, and get the fuck on board.
I’m an empath. A campaigner. I tune into other peoples feelings and I try to stand up for them. When a person tries to gaslight me and manipulate a situation against me, I fall apart. My head and my heart have a battle and I can no longer breathe my mind into clarity. If that is not a warning bell, well, then the pope is no longer catholic.
We won’t only be making your future babies (if we choose) but we will also be running the fucking world soon enough. The new world doesn’t take race, gender or sexuality spectrums into its decision makings, because at the end of the day, none of that shit should actually matter.
Why else do you think balls were so pathetically protected, but ovaries are smartly tucked away into our abdomens to save us. Not to mention, anyone that happens to sit in between our (many figurative) black and white spectrums, is a game changing hero that is a friend of mine.
To all my babes: Get on board and watch this space; we about to truly run the world. Contributions and options more then welcome. Lets start to conversation.
To finish my rant, kweens, please take advice from lioness’s:
- Be frisky
- Pounce on possibilities
- Enjoy life
- Always land on your feet
- Stretch often; you deserve it
- Delight in the simple joy of self care (read: a long nap)
- Lastly, make every day “perfect” for you